I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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