so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
