someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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