Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
