I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
