im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
