you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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