How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
zippers are such a cool invention
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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