In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
