God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
