Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
