He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
