so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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