just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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