my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
