Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
