Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize