ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
