I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
