I think my vagina is haunted
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
