I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
