I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
