So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
