meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize