Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
