so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
