She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize