turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
