I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Blood and glitter go together right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
