The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
