worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
