I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i now understand why vodka
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
