I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
