ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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