You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
