i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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