im six kinds of drunk right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
