Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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