I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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