it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize