I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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