hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize