I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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