would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize