i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
