we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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