8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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