because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
