Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
