i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
