found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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