I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize