Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
