I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
