I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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