dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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