i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
