if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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