Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
