Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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