your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
