oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
