She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
