Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
