I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize