I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
