I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
